It's so easy to point out what I think other people should do in observation of Lent. I can list off what takes up time in others' lives or what their bad habits are. However, when it comes to picking out what fat I need to cut from my life, I always end up making a last-minute decision that I barely remember.
This year, I'm trying to look at things differently. I was talking to my friend about it the other day. The conversation went at such:
Me: I always forget to do a self-assessment before Ash Wednesday.
Friend: You still can.
Me: Yeah, but I always get to Ash Wednesday and go, "Oh yeah, it's Lent now...I should
figure something out."
Friend: Hahaha, I completely understand. For me though, a self-assessment happens
throughout the year. I notice how I have changed and developed and how that has
created my identity. It's progressive for me.
Her words really got me thinking about the purpose of Lent in general and for me. It's not just about taking a break then diving right back into my former life. And it's definitely not about pointing out the speck in my neighbor's eye. It should be transformational and meaningful and personal. Lent is important like any holiday or season because it serves as a reminder to be intentional about our own growth. This year, I've felt God pleading with me to drop my guard. In the Sunday before Lent, my pastor reminded us that Lent is a time to "lay bare" all the things that we are ashamed and afraid of. I used to think that I needed to have all this done before Lent so that I would know what to focus on during my 40 days in the desert.
This year, the laying bare is the focus of my journey. Not always can I be certain of what I want the outcome to be. But I know for sure that if I stick to my purpose of completely revealing my heart to my Creator, to those I love, and (maybe most importantly) to myself, I will be changed. There is no doubt about that.
How does it feel so far? It's horrifying. BUT it's also extraordinarily liberating. These are some of the things I am doing/taking into consideration this Lent in order to be laid bare by the desert:
1. Self-talk - I tend to have very negative self-talk and I know what a great evil that can be in one's life. My first step is to recognize it when it happens. My final outcome will hopefully be to greatly diminish or completely eradicate it's control of my thoughts and self-esteem. I will dare to love myself.
2. What I give my time, energy, and money to - I have cut down the time I'm allowing myself on social media. Mostly, this pertains to Facebook for me. I am not an addict, but there are times that I get on and just look at the screen like you look into the pantry even when you're not hungry. I also want to allocate that time to things I wish I had time for like reading, songwriting, fishing, and praying. You are what you do. I'm also cutting down on how often I eat out to twice a month. I have a tuition to pay, after all. Foregoing my trip to that Mexican restaurant will not kill me.
3. Opening up - Some of the steps going into this are going to be more personal endeavors than I'm willing to share in detail here. But just having this blog is a huge part of my commitment to sharing my thoughts. Often my excuse is that what I'm feeling and thinking and doing are not worth sharing (See #1). I'm changing that.
4. Seeking God - Again, this is not something I only want to do for 40 days. As my friend so wisely said, it should progressive. Therefore, I am using this Lenten season to immerse myself more deeply in God's Word and in things that help me understand myself, my beliefs, and my purpose. My hope is that this will help reset my mental and spiritual appetite. Instead of craving the junk food of unchallenging and unnecessary information, I'm focusing on the essentials.
My (slightly inappropriate) motivating quote for this Lenten undertaking comes from the great philosopher, wood-worker, and carnivore, Ron Swanson:
Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.
Until next time, be kind to each creature.
