The Servitude of Parenting (from a daughter's perspective)

As one of those girls who doesn't really have "make and raise children" on my List of Top Priorities, it has taken me a long time to understand my friends who feel just the opposite. There's this strange idea that you have to choose one or the other. We tend to stigmatize women based on what they want to do for the rest of their lives. If you work, that's all you can do. If you have a family (which is culturally defined as having a husband and children), that's all you can do. There is no in-between. Even for "working mothers," there's still that emphasis. We never hear, "She's a woman with a career and a family." She is, above all, a "mother" who just also happens to be working. If you're a husband and father with a job, you're a man who "provides for his family" rather than a "working father." Goodness forbid you're a full-time dad.

I have always battled in my own mind against succumbing to this flawed idea that women (and people in general) have to be categorized one way or the other.

Amidst all these stereotypes and stigmas, I've never felt that "call" to be a parent, working or otherwise. I just have absolutely zero desire to ever be pregnant or give birth. Not to mention that I often try to "call" small children by clicking my tongue and patting my legs. (I apologize now if I have ever referred to your child as "it" rather than "he" or "she." I promise it's not intentional.)

Now that I'm reaching into my independent adulthood, I have softened some to the idea of adopting. But even then, I'm going to need a whole lot of help and right now, I am very much not in a place to make that a short-term goal. Having a family is still way in the distant future.

However, I have matured in my appreciation of parents, especially mothers. I have realized that it is one of the purest forms of servitude possible. In all the roles that humans play and in all the millions of types of relationships we have, our parents - good, bad, active, absent, biological or adopted - are possibly the most integral to our growth. Your parents make an impact throughout your entire life, not just until you move out. It's a job you can never really quit.

I used to balk at the idea of being "called to be a mother" like it was some ultimate purpose that I wasn't worthy of. Or else, that is was a divine assignment. But it's not like that. When my friends say that becoming a parent was what they were meant to do, they don't mean that that's all they can do. It doesn't even mean it's the thing they are absolutely the best at. It's a process and a blessing. It's an immense responsibility and a privilege. For many, it is the role in which they best glorify their Creator.

Motherhood is a truly sacred role to play in this life. Women bear the brunt of discrimination, abuse, suffering, and pain worldwide. There are certain kinds of pain that only a mother will have to endure. And mothers bear it time and time again without thanks.

My own mother truly taught me through the way she lives and the way she loves my brother and me that there is no greater servitude than being a parent. She is completely selfless, unfailingly forgiving, and always puts the needs of her children before her own.

What other relationship can speak so directly to our relationship with God.? How often does our Father/Mother/Creator have to allow us to make mistakes so that we can finally understand ourselves, our world, and our Creator? How often does God watch us inflict pain on one another and how often do we ignore our duty to love our brothers and sisters? But just as my mom celebrated me from making unearthly noises with a cello and calling it music to graduating from college, our Creator celebrates every moment of tenderness, love, kindness, and peace we create with each other.

I certainly believe that we can see God when we look at each other. There are so many mothers that, when I look at them - their lives, their heartaches, their unending grace and love - I see God. Not every mother or father in your life is the person who shares your genes, but they are there. There are women I know who are literally mothers to the world. I can name about half a dozen professors and professionals from my undergrad who fit this bill perfectly. They may or may not have children of their own, but everyone they meet is treated as if they were family.

So this is my huge and vastly incomplete THANK YOU to all parents. Everyone who has ever loved a child. Everyone who has put the needs of another before your own. Everyone who has loved someone who may be incapable of returning that love or favor.

You are providing us with the ultimate model of servitude. Thank you.

In Which I Hear Exactly What I Needed To Hear

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are both on my celebrity short-list of people I probably could not resist bear-hug tackling should I meet them. I cannot begin to express the many ways in which these two women are heroes for so many. This post, sent to me from my roommate and best friend, here to eat catfish, was exactly what I needed to follow up my last post. Thank you, ladies, for giving me hope. Wherever you are, 'I want to go to there.'